How to Prevent the Flu (if someone in your home has it)

One minute, you are having fun playing with your collection of possessed dolls, the next, your partner, family member, or roommate, comes up to you and says something along the lines of:


Panic-stricken, your mind starts calculating how to avoid getting the flu. Of course, at some point, you feel bad for them and want to help them, because you care about them and such things, but what matters is your mindset:

This. Is. War.

Each sneeze is a terrifying spray of disease, so an effective method to avoid being hit by it is to jump away from the sick person when you notice they’re about to sneeze.


Another helpful tip is to make ginger tea. The ginger root looks like a tiny, wise, tree trunk, and it will help you kill anything evil that dares to grow inside you.


You could build a custom Heavy Metal Flu Shield (or any other style you want), for situations such as conversations, or avoiding a hug. Don’t forget the importance of carving (or drawing) a battle cry on the front of it, to put you in the warrior headspace.


For example, my shield (illustrated above) is inspired by Judas Priest and approved by Rob Halford, giving me extra power.


Lastly, it is of vital importance to buy the meanest vitamin supplement you can take each day, to give your immune system more weapons in this war against the flu.


Be afraid, flu, be very afraid.


Favorite Song Interpretation (part 3): Scorpions’ No one like you

This song starts with a killer riff and that signature Scorpions’ second guitar, coming in with a melody that tells the main riff, “you’re not metal enough yet, but we can hang”.


Then, that nonsense stops, cause Klaus Meine needs to make his sweet voice heard. Plus, he has some pressing stuff he wants to communicate to this nameless woman.


Number one, he’s touring a lot, so he can’t be with her as much as he’d like; but, number two, he can imagine the nice things they would do if they were together, such as: shopping, and talking, and watching movies, and cuddling. In essence, being pampered by your other half.


After that, we have the guitar solo: it’s a desperate one, to emphasise the feeling of longing depicted in the lyrics; followed by the chorus, and then, the song fades out, so it lingers in your head, making you wanna hit play again.

There it is, pure romance in rock ‘n’ roll’s clothing.

Short Horror Story


Favorite Song Interpretation (Part 1): Dokken’s “It’s not love”

So, this is about someone not being good enough for you, because you’re in a glam metal band in the 80s, you’re too cool for 99.9999% of the population.

We’ve all been attracted to lame people, it’s the Ladder of True Love; you start with terrible taste and then end up with sophisticated heart desires, like a person who would wear tights and an 80s wig for you. That’s compromise, that’s true love.


Talking about hair, I think one of the reasons love is failing in this song is because of how difficult it was to find a partner with better hair in that era.

GoodHairBadHairThen, you have George Lynch’s guitar playing, his shredding power would have intimidated anyone you wanted to get close to. There’s a reason why he has the nickname Mr. Scary.

DokkenThere you have it, now you can enjoy this song with full understanding of the meaning behind it.



How to know you’ve found the right person

Love. Almost as important as food, isn’t it?

The search for the right person is a worthwhile, sometimes excruciating, endeavor. Allow me to make things a bit easier, by giving you some information to help you discern if you have the right person by your side, or, in case you’re single and want a partner, what to look for in one.

  • You have the same goals in life

If you’re thinking of sharing a future with this person, your life goals should be similar, so you can walk together on the road of excitement and love, going forward into what I like to call “The Wrinkle Years”.

Helpful Example:

Person 1: “I wanna adopt every Sugar Glider and keep them in my future house.”

Person 2: “That has been my dream for 30 years.”

Person 1: “But… aren’t you 30 years old?”

Person 2: “Exactly.”



  • Your worldview is similar

If your views of the world are opposite, you might spend your time fighting instead of making what most of us want to make: delicious food. Or whatever you want to make together that’s pleasant.

Helpful Example:

Person 1: “I wish things were like in that movie…. The Shining. You know what I mean?”

Person 2: “Totally. I love Hotels.”


LoveEvol copy

  • You accept and sometimes like each other’s flaws

It’s inevitable, no one is perfect, we are made of flaws put together like a bunch of Flawkenstein’s Monsters, but usually less misunderstood by our parents and the human race in general. In a healthy relationship, your flaws are something the other can tolerate, or issues you can work on.

Helpful Example:

Person 1: “I think ice cream is just… ok.”

Person 2: “Ok. I hate olives.”

Person 1: “I can live with that.”



  • You can communicate anything

Do you have an embarrassing secret you’ve only confessed to your therapist and even they laughed, unable to keep it professional? The right person will make you feel comfortable enough to tell them that secret, for free. You will be afraid at first, but it will be fine… after they laugh too. They’re the right person, but they’re still human!

Helpful Example:

Person 1: “You know Shauna?”

Person 2: “Yeah.”

Person 1: “She wears a wig.”

Person 2: “Really?”

Person 1: “My biggest fear…”


Person 2: “Yeah?”

Person 1: “What if her wig falls off when I’m around…?”

Person 2: “What?”

Person 1: “Yeah! Because… what would I say?”


Person 2: “Easy! Pretend you’re blind till she puts it back on.”


  • You enjoy doing similar activities

This is vital, unless you want to be bored for the rest of your life and find happiness when this boring person isn’t around you.

Person 1: “Wanna go give breadcrumbs to the neighbor’s lizard pet?”

Person 2: “Sure! But I think he likes tiny worms better.”

Person 1: “Ah, ok. Let me get some.”



  • You make each other laugh

A relationship without laughter is like a turtle watching a toddler run, you will feel like something is missing and the relationship won’t get anywhere, cause turtles always get bored of being so slow, so they never get to their destination. Turtles are quitters, but you’re not. Your relationship should have lots of mutual laughter.

Helpful Example:

Person 1: “Did you see that turtle quit?”

Person 2: “Hahaha. It didn’t even try!”



  • You take care of each other during sickness

We can’t help getting sick, because, sadly, we’re not made of Terminator material. It’s just not how the Universe decided to make us. So, when sickness arrives, the right person will want to help you get better. Sometimes, they’re not good at it, but they will want to help, and that matters.

Helpful Example:

Person 1: “Still puking, huh?”

Person 2: “Yeah.”

Person 1: “I made you more green soup.”



  • You trust them

There’s no relationship without it, but trust is about both you and them. In the end, to have the right partner, you have to be ready to be the right partner too. Now, go to the mirror and blow some kisses at yourself, give yourself some love for being cool and worthy of someone who loves you as much as you love yourself.

Helpful Example:

Person 1: “Let’s do the trust exercise.”

Person 2: “Ok. Let yourself go, my beauty.”

Person 1: “ARE WE FLYING?”

Person 2: “We are.”